Tin Men (The Clay Lion Series Book 2) Page 10

  I waved to her as she scanned the dining room, and when our eyes connected, her face lit up just as it had the first time we met. The same way it did every time we reconnected with one another after being apart. I hoped she would light up when I found her in the past, and more importantly, when I returned to her in the present.

  “Howdy,” she said, collapsing into the booth across from me, still wearing her scrubs.

  “Rough day?” I asked.

  “We had a dog brought in that was hit by a car this morning. He was in rough shape, poor little guy. Broken leg, dislocated hip. Multiple contusions. Dr. Anderson is a miracle worker though. I think Duke is gonna pull through.”

  ‘That’s good news.”

  “It is.”

  There was a comfortable silence as we both scanned our menus.

  “I don’t know why I even bother to look as this,” she commented, sliding the menu across the table. “I always order the same thing.”

  “You’re nothing if not predictable.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with being predicable.” She smiled. “I just like what I like.”

  “Well, I’m glad you like me,” I said, reaching across the table to take her hand.

  The waitress arrived to take our orders. I listened to Brooke explaining how she wanted her entrée, with extra vegetables and grated cheese on the side, light on the sauce with rice pasta. I wondered how others perceived her meticulous attention to detail to which I had grown so accustomed. The thought of losing her suddenly filled me with dread, and I nearly changed my mind about discussing my trip. I felt a bead of sweat slowly making its way along my hairline down the side of my face. I decided to speak up before losing my nerve completely.

  “I have to talk to you about something,” I said.

  She took a sip of her water. “I figured. What with the mid-week dinner date and all. So spill. What’s up?”

  I hesitated briefly before confessing, “I have a plan for finding out about my mother.”

  “Okay.”

  “I have a plan about how I can use my trip so you won’t be upset.”

  She looked up from her glass and her skin blanched.

  “I have a plan,” I repeated, reaching out to take her hands. “Please hear me out.”

  She didn’t say anything for several seconds as she scrutinized me. It was almost as if she was searching for some secret written in the lines of my face. “You said once that the only reason you would ever use your trip would be to find out the truth about your family.”

  “I did?” I asked, having never remembered saying that to her.

  “You did. You just don’t remember because it happened during a timeline of which you were never a part.”

  She wasn’t making any sense. I shook my head. “What are you talking about?”

  She squeezed my hands and took a deep breath. Her voice wavered when she spoke.

  “The day on the quad, playing football together… it wasn’t the first time I met you.”

  “You saw me on campus before?”

  “No, Charlie. I met you on one of my trips. We were together. Until we weren’t.”

  She still wasn’t making any sense.

  “I never planned on telling you any of this. I didn’t think it was important for you to know. There was so much pain and I caused so many problems. I just didn’t want to subject you to it again. That’s why I’ve never told you.”

  “Never told me what?!” I exclaimed, causing the family at the table beside us to look in our direction.

  “Charlie, the first time I went back, I saw you the day you went to pick up Melody from where she was playing in the lot beside Cooper’s Hardware Store. Do you remember that day?”

  I did. Vaguely. I nodded.

  “I never met you that trip. When you came to get her, I was hidden in the attic of the store. But I saw you through the window, and after that, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. When I went back the second time, I returned to Cooper’s the same day, hoping I would get a chance to see you again.”

  “And was I there?”

  “Yes.”

  “And did we meet?”

  “Yes.”

  I was afraid to ask more questions, and yet I needed to know what had become of us during the parallel timeline.

  “And did I love you like I love you now?”

  A single tear formed in the corner of her eye. She wiped it away before it rolled down her cheek.

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  I walked around the table and slid into the booth seat beside her, wrapping her in my arms.

  “I’m so sorry, Charlie,” she wept into my shoulder. “I never wanted to hurt you again.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The thought of the two of us existing together in some other time, in some other way, was almost more than I could fathom. It suddenly struck me that she had another relationship with me I knew nothing about. I didn’t know whether to be angry or envious.

  “What happened?” I asked, knowing I didn’t necessarily want to hear the answer.

  After drying her eyes with a paper napkin, she sniffled several times and composed herself before continuing. “Branson got sick again and I lost it. I got so angry at myself for failing; I alienated everyone, including you and Branson. Even though you told me you’d wait for me to get through it, I broke up with you and that was it.”

  “But you went back a third time. Didn’t you try to fix what happened between us like you fixed everything else?”

  “No.”

  “No?” I was suddenly angry. “Why not?” I asked, raising my voice.

  “Because you asked me not to.”

  She lost herself in a fit of weeping just as our food arrived. She immediately pushed it away, so I asked our server for the bill and to box up our meals. Brooke slipped quietly through the maze of tables, making a beeline for the car, and after paying at the counter, I headed out the door. Once we were alone in the parking lot, she continued her story.

  “I went to see you, in the present, after my second trip. I was trying to find a way back again and wanted your help. You were upset with me. Rightfully so. I broke your heart. You told me if I ever did go back a third time, you didn’t want to meet me. You didn’t want the possibility of going through all the pain again.” She rested her head in her hands. “I simply honored your wishes, Charlie. That’s why I didn’t fix things with you.”

  So much of our relationship suddenly shifted into focus. The times she knew things about me I’d never shared. Her level of comfort with me when we first met. Her repeated declaration that the universe wanted us to be together.

  “You knew me already,” I mused.

  “Yes.”

  “But you let us happen again, in our own time, in our own way. You’ve never interfered. It would have been so easy just to tell me the truth.”

  She shrugged. “Then it wouldn’t have been real for you. You had to fall in love with me on your own, not because I told you to. Besides, you never would have believed me anyway.”

  “Perhaps,” I said, gripping the steering wheel in both hands and focusing on a family coming out of the restaurant.

  “So anyway, now you know why I can’t let you go back. I got a second chance with you. I’m not willing to risk not getting a third opportunity if something were to go wrong.”

  “I get it,” I said, “but what if there was a way for you to come back with me?”

  “I’ve already been back three times, Charlie. The government will never allow a fourth trip. I just don’t see it happening.”

  “I know. I thought the same thing. But Melody had a brilliant idea. She suggested you write a letter to yourself explaining what’s going on. I can take it back with me and hide it for you to find. Once you read it, you’ll know what’s going on and can help me.”

  She thought for a moment. “Doing that will change the past, so it will definitely change the future. We don’t know how it will turn out for us.”


  “I think we have a better chance of coming out of this still together if we’re both aware of what’s going on in the past. It’s gonna change either way. I’m going to meet my mother. I have to, Brooke.”

  She leaned toward me to sweep a strand of hair off my forehead. Her face was red and blotchy, her mascara smeared below her eyes. “Finding your mother really means this much to you?”

  I considered her question. My father kept secrets from me my entire life. The secrets prevented us from being close. I knew I was done having secrets in my life. Now I only wanted the truth. I needed to find out the truth about who I was and where I came from. I needed a solid foundation on which to build the rest of my life.

  “Yes. It does. But it will mean a whole lot more if I have you by my side.”

  She let her head fall against the headrest and folded her hands in her lap. “If it’s that important to you, then we should do it. You should go meet your mother. And I’ll be there to help you do it.”

  I couldn’t believe her change of heart. “Do you mean it?”

  “I mean it. I’ll write the letter in the morning.”

  C HAPTER SIXTEEN

  It took three months to complete my time travel training and receive my official approval documentation. During that time, Brooke wrote her letter as she promised, and we both returned to school. After her revelation about our previous relationship, it was as if a dam burst and she was no longer able to hold back the secrets she’d been bottling up inside. She told me dozens of stories about our time together during her second trip into the past. Not only about our relationship but also about the relationship Branson and I shared. At first, I was jealous of her for having memories of us I didn’t share. But listening to her describe our first kiss, our first hike to the falls, my grandmother’s 80th birthday party - I realized how blessed I was to have been given a second chance with her, and my jealousy faded away. Unfortunately, this awareness of just how lucky I was made it all the more difficult to put that second chance in jeopardy by using my trip. I was committed, however, to stay the course.

  I tried to rationalize my decision to myself during the course of my traveling education, but there was no rational explanation for what I was feeling or what I was about to do. My mom loved and cared for me with the same devotion she’d shown Melody over the years, and yet, I felt an intrinsic pull toward a woman I didn’t remember for a reason I didn’t understand.

  I decided not to tell my mom about using my trip. Time travel was virtually instantaneous in the present timeline, making it unnecessary to burden her with my decision. Although she supported me in the search for my mother, saying it and accepting it were two very different things. I could see just beneath the surface, it made her sad. She commented offhandedly several times about ‘not being enough’ for me, and that I might be disappointed with what I eventually found. I knew her remarks came from a place of pain and grief, confirming my decision to keep my trip from troubling her further.

  I also began having weekly phone conversations with Dr. Richmond at Brooke’s request, part of the trade-off for her helping me in the past. I had no desire to speak with him about my father but found it helpful to discuss how I felt about my adoption. Although we established a strong rapport during the course of our talks, I was still hesitant to tell him about the plans for my trip. Brooke repeatedly assured me he was bound by doctor-patient confidentially laws, and so on the night before my trip, I called him one final time, hoping he would share some insight to help me understand what I was feeling.

  “I’m risking the relationships with the people I love here in the present on the off chance I might see my birth mother in the past. That’s crazy, isn’t it?” I asked.

  “What you’re feeling isn’t crazy, Charlie. It’s very common for adopted children to feel isolated and abandoned, even when they’ve been raised by loving, supportive families. The need for closure is a powerful motivator. It’s what’s driving your decisions now.”

  “But why should I care about her at all? I don’t know her. She gave me away. She obviously didn’t even love me.”

  “That’s just the thing… you don’t know her. It’s hard for the human spirit to not know, especially about things that make up the very core of who we are. It’s natural to want to know who you came from and what your life was like when you were together. Her story is part of your story; a prologue if you will. And your prologue is missing. Our sense of self and self-worth are shaped by so many facets of our lives, and although it seems strange to you that not knowing your birth mother could affect either one, I assure you it is certainly the case for many adopted children.” He sighed heavily into the receiver. “It would just be easier if there was another way to get your closure without having to resort to such drastic measures.”

  “I’ve tried everything I can think of here. I don’t know what else to do. I wish I could just forget about it and move on, but I can’t. I’ve tried, but I feel like if I don’t take this opportunity now, I’ll never do it. And I know the further I have to travel back in time, the greater the chance of altering my timeline, so it’s now or never. I can’t stand the thought of never. If I don’t take this chance, I might regret it for the rest of my life and I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself.”

  There was silence on the other end of the line.

  “Dr. Richmond?”

  “You’ve already made your decision, Charlie. I’m not sure what you’re looking for from me. I can’t promise you everything will work out. I can’t promise you it won’t. What I do know is that everyone has to follow their own path and make decisions that feel right to them. I hope you find the answers you’re looking for and they give you the peace you’re so anxious to find.”

  His words resonated with me as Brooke drove me to the time travel facility the next morning. As we sat together, waiting for my name to be called, her feet tapped nervously against the grey linoleum.

  “It’s going to be okay,” I said, giving her knee a squeeze. “I’ll link up with you as soon as I get there so we can get started right away. I just hope two weeks will be enough time to find her.”

  “I’m scared,” she said. “It’s strange for me, being the one left behind, not in control of my own fate. And I know it’s stupid that I already miss you so much, especially since you should be back in a few hours. I only have to wait until later in the day, but you have to survive two weeks of not knowing how it will turn out. It’s hard knowing I may not be waiting at your house when you return.”

  “You’ll be there, Brooke.”

  “Unless something goes wrong and everything changes.”

  “Nothing will go wrong. Everything will be fine. As soon as I’m back, the agent will drop me off at home, and you’ll be able to get me up to speed. I’ll see you there. I promise.”

  She massaged her temples with her fingers. “You have the letter?”

  “I have the letter.”

  I reached under her chin, lifting her face to mine, and kissed her tenderly on the lips. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” she whispered.

  She slid closer, resting her head on my shoulder until my name was called. As she sat up, I knew I needed to move quickly before I changed my mind about going. Without a word, I pecked her quickly on the forehead, and backed away. I didn’t take my eyes off her as I made my way into the steel chamber. Behind the glass wall, I saw her crying. My confidence began to waver, and for a moment, I considered walking out. But then I quickly refocused on finding out the truth about my mother. The truth of our time together. The truth my father took to his grave.

  I waved goodbye to Brooke. She was saying something, but I couldn’t make out what it was. I cupped my hand around my ear and shrugged my shoulders, hoping to convey I didn’t hear what she said. She began again, and this time, I was able to read her lips. “I believe in you,” she said.

  Before I could reply, the door to the chamber was sealed between us. Instructions were piped in through a speaker
system and I did as I was told. A timer on the wall counted down the seconds. There was a warm brightness that was nearly blinding, and in an instant, I was back.

  P ART TWO

  C HAPTER SEVENTEEN

  As per the traveling instructions, I chose a secluded spot in which to return. Because time travel creates a rift in the timeline which is seen as a bright light on both ends of the continuum, it’s necessary to choose somewhere isolated so it won’t be visible to anyone else. When the brightness around me faded, I found myself in the center of my bathroom on a rainy Thursday afternoon. I was looking directly at myself in the mirror. It was strange, facing myself as I was in the past. Not much had changed in a year. At least not physically.

  I heard voices from below me in the kitchen. There was a man’s voice. It was my father.

  I promised myself before leaving that I wouldn’t discuss my adoption with him. I knew it was going to be difficult not to say the things I wanted to regarding the way he treated me or the secrets he kept. But I knew the less I changed about the past, the better chance I had of maintaining the integrity of the timeline. However, hearing his voice again for the first time since before his death gave me pause, and for a moment, I doubted my ability to keep the peace.

  I felt for Brooke’s letter to herself in my pants pocket. Incredibly, it remained where I had placed it, inspiring me out of the bathroom and into action. I had no idea how I was able to carry it with me into the past, but Brooke assured me it would work, as she traveled with a tiny clay lion on each of her trips. As always, she was right.

  I tried to remember what I’d done on the particular day to which I returned. I was usually lucky if I could remember what I ate for breakfast, so recalling a single day in the summer between my sophomore and junior year of college seemed nearly impossible. During my time travel classes, I was taught that context clues would help me make a smooth transition into the past. As I ventured out of the bathroom, I began having serious doubts about the intelligence of my instructors.